Another step

 


This quote really hit me today. The longer I stay where I am the longer the road will be. I want to get to what I feel is a normal relationship with food, although I’m not sure what that is.  I know part of it would be not having the obsessive feeling of wanting more. This morning I had toast for breakfast. I ate one piece of bread while I was waiting for the other two to toast.  I inhaled the two pieces of toast lavished with butter, but I forgot to actually stop and enjoy them. As a result I really would like to put two more pieces in the toaster and start over again.

The hardest part of my recovery is wanting more. I want that sense of fullness, and I feel like I need to get there fast. As I sit here drinking my coffee and letting my toast settle I realize I am full. I actually have the fullness I desire.

I realize that fullness for me carry so much meaning. It means I’m safe. It means I’m loved. There’s all these emotions wrapped up with fullness, when really the emotion should be separate.

I’m not quite sure how to separate emotions from fullness yet, but I’m sure in the learning process it will happen. For today my goal is to put more thought into what I’m eating and be more aware while I’m eating it. It sounds simple but it’s going to be a challenge.

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